?

Log in

withindarqness


October 1st, 2013

I am Part of the Crowd @ 11:27 pm

Current Location: FDU
Current Mood: estatic

Heyy,

So, earlier this week, while I was in the cafeteria with my two friends, Talia and Antonio, a bunch more theatre friends entered the cafeteria and joined us. At one point, my friend Sam (guy) came by, and put his arms around Talia and I. I felt so happy and accepted. It made me smile a lot to know that even though these guys know that I am 26 compared to their 19/21, yet I am still their friend! They accept me for me, and I never felt better. I was worried going to school at the age I am, but when I told them this, they all laughed and said, "So? Who cares?" This is awesome!!

So I am currently ASMing Romeo and Juliet. (ASMing = Assistant Stage Manger). I am very happy about this, and it is giving me the confidence back that I somewhat lost when I SMed (SMed = Stage Manage) Caberet. I loved the show, but I seemed to have done so many wrong things, that I second guessed everything! But, with this, and the excitement I am getting with the major I am in, and the program itself, well, I found my spark again.

So last Sunday, I went home and stopped by Mike's place to grab my Magic the Gathering collection. (Some friends at college play). While I was in his room, he crept up slowly behind me and then glomped me. It was so cute. I asked him where this came from since he normally is not like this, and he tells me it's because we have not seen each other in a while.

So this Saturday is my college's Homecoming. Mike and Jay are coming by to hang with me, which I am happy about. They will not be able to make the football game that I will be performing in (yes, I joined the band), but there is a carnival afterwards that we will have fun at. And a dance...maybe I can get Mike to dance with me?...Hey! A girl can wish right?

So I am going to end it here because I have homework to work on that is due tomorrow before I go to bed. But, yes college has been good to me thus far!!

~Jill~
 

September 30th, 2013

Back from the Dead!! @ 02:08 am

Heyy,

No, i never died, but I am currently reading Chosen a House of Night series. And the character Stevie Rae has technically come back from the dead. And since I have been gone for a long time, it seems to fit the part....maybe?....no? Oh...ok... ::walks with head down::

Anyway! First, let me just tell you that I am currently at Fairleigh Dickinson University! Yep, I'm at a four year college! I got accepted! Yes I am very happy! Although I do miss my family and my boyfriend. They feel so far away! It's sad.

I will try and keep this updated.....AGAIN!! lol.

I am currently working as an Assistant Stage Manager for the play Romeo and Juliet. I am super excited!!!

So is there anyone on this thing anymore???

~Jill~
 

January 2nd, 2013

life sucks. @ 02:09 am

Tags:

Heyy
I hate life. I hate everything about it. I hate that I am a full screw up and there is nothing I can do to change anything. I hate that all I am in my relationship with Mike is a crazy psycho gold digger bitch. I hate that I did not know what to do with myself at the tender ages of 14-18. Because everyone knows that right after high school you go to college, get a BA and then become a business person. You are not suppose to "love" your job. That's silly talk. I hate that I am a chicken on becoming single. I hate myself because I am a failure at life and once your a failure you will always be a failure. I am not suppose to move away from home, I'm suppose to live pay check by pay check, paying off debt forever, never get married (especially since I am pretty sure I can't get pregnant), and watch my siblings succeed at life. I'm suppose to be the failure so they can become better. I hate myself.

 

November 20th, 2012

November 17th, 2012

feeling dumb...it seems to be a norm... @ 10:09 pm

Tags:


Heyy,
So at the moment I am over Mike's house, but of course, I am depressed. You see, I, yet again..., overreacted on something Mike did and I got upset. When he tried to explain himself, I could not be mad at him since he was not wrong, but I was. So, my friend Jay says I should not beat myself up so much, but in all honesty, I am my worst enemy. Why? Easy, when I am upset and it can't be at someone elses fault I take it out on myself. I am the idiot, the moron, the stupid one, etc. This is how I work, and how I cope. I mean others have obviously believed this before, so how could a few years changed anything?
Another thing I am trying to go off to a four year college, but honestly, I am to stupid. I missed my boat when I did not figure my life out at the tender age of 17/18. I am naturally a screw up, and no college degree could possibly cover that. I am fooling myself if I think I can.
I am a moron and that is final. I do not deserve anything nice or good in my life. I am a terrible person. Funny, I never killed or stole or did anything as bad to anybody, yet I deserve to spend eternity in Hell. Yea, that is justified.
I think that since I am not good enough for anything that I should dump Mike. All honesty, he deserves better, even though everytime I bring this up he tells me I am wrong. I have no idea what he is thinking. So pretty much that is how I feel, pathetic and a waste of space.
I don't know,
Jill

 

September 12th, 2012

Manga for Sale!! @ 01:08 am

Current Mood: cheerful cheerful

Heyy all! I am selling 2 different manga series if anyone is interested. One is the whole series while the other is only partial. What I am selling is:

1. Model (Full series) vols 1-7
2. Faries Landing vols 1-8.

Anyone interested contact me here or through email at JMDonchak@gmail.com. Will negotiate price and payment!
 

New things, new ideas, new life! @ 12:56 am

Current Mood: dorky dorky

Heyy,
So a lot has changed since the last time I posted here!!! First off, I am no longer a Rite Aid employee! I quit back in Oct of 2011, and got hired at Forever21 as a Sales Associate! Yea! Me! A Sales Associate! Can you see it? I have to be "Fashion Forward", try hard to wear their things (BTW...I gained weight, and with my boobies being so big, most of the shirts they own, I just can't get past them! So wearing the product to sell the product....well I gotta lie a little there, lol.) Plus, me, the shy and quiet mouse I have been, wearing very cover up clothes, to now putting myself out there....well, I actually had fun! I liked wearing clothes out of my style, putting makeup on, etc. Things I did not enjoy? Uhm....customers destroying my racks when I just freaking fixed them! Customers dropping the clothes on the floor, and then acting like they did not do it, and walk away. The hangers at Forever21 are hard enough to keep the items of clothing on them without your help customer! THANKS! Then there is the customer who wants whats on the mannequin, but normally what is on them, is not on the sales floor. So of course they will bitch until someone will eventually put a note on that one damn piece of clothing that says "HOLD FOR SO-AND-SO". Stupid! But besides that, the job was actually fun, up until I had to physically be a somewhat pushy sales person. I'm suppose to be the customers "best friend", but yet sell the items. That is kind of hard for me since I don't like to be that type of person. Then, Black Friday came by. OH. MY. GOD. Our only rule that day? JUST GET THE CLOTHES OFF THE FLOOR!!!! There was no way to keep your section truly clean, so they just wanted you to keep the floor clean, clean out the fitting room asap, and help customers out. It was crazy 8 hour shift!! The line for register was like a winding line all through the store! Hard to tell sometimes who was on line and who was not.
But at one point, I did see this one dress that just cried out for my sister for Christmas. So I was hoping with all hope that it would still be there when I get the chance to get it. And it was! Did she even wear it once? IDK....
One other issue, was the fact that they were not ever really giving me a lot of hours. And when I did come in to work, my 12-6 shift would be cut to 12-4. It bothered me more when I would only be scheduled that ONE DAY all week!!! No lie.
But I digress, I quit and got a job at Target Pharmacy when my mom told me that there was an opening. I got a $4.00 raise, and I have been loving it ever since! So that is a good thing. Plus I work with my mom sometimes which is interesting.
Mike and I are still together. Nothing has changed there! We love each other dearly! We actually just got back from our trip to Uniontown. It was fun, since I got a chance to visit a college in Pittsburgh that has my major exactly! It was hot as anything that whole weekend. Also rainy, which just made everything very humid. But I did get a chance to make a friend though, so I am happy about that! That drive it a long one though! 6 hours, is like ARGH! lol.But once you get going and you keep a steady pace, you are pretty much set.
So yea, I am hoping to transfer to a four year college by next school year. I know what "I want to be when I grow up" so now I need to act on it. Yay!
So until next time!
Jilly
 

April 4th, 2011

questions running through my head... @ 05:28 am

Current Mood: worried worried

Heyy,
So why is it that I know that love my boyfriend a lot! But I feel like something is coming apart? He doesn't act aloof or put off. So why do I get the feeling something is wrong? It has been bothering me all night. To be honest I can see myself telling Mike this and him laughing, hugging me, reassuring me that he does still love me and then calling me his silly girl. So maybe I am over thinking this feeling. They do say that the longer you are with someone, the more worried you get. But does that mean couples who have been married for 50+ years are beyond freaked out? I doubt that. So really...what am I worried about then? I wish someone could answer that for me, heh.
~Jill~
 

December 30th, 2010

Writer's Block: The times they are a-changing @ 02:23 am

Current Mood: artistic artistic

How would you describe the last decade in one sentence?

Heyy,
So I decided to answer the question above, simply because I do actually want to write about this past year, but to also go along with the past decade, well, ha! This should be fun! I'll start with just answering the questiong.

My answer:
       "This past decade has been one crazy, scary moment after another, yet fun, enjoyable, memorable and romantic at the same time!"

So, going off that, I'm going to write up a few things each year reminds me of and then for 2010, what each month kind of stood for.

2000
Well, I am a 7th grader to begin with, and sadly that was the worst year of my life! Summoned up pretty well, heh. I did get my first dance with a guy this year though, thanks to my friend Kelli.

2001
8th grade, I'm technically the "big kid" of the school. This was definitely a better being that Nadina, Michelle and I were like the three Muskateeres. We had pretty much all of our main classes together. Plus the simple fact that our teachers knew to put us together because we completed excelent work together on group projects. We were even allowed to sit together when the teachers would reassign seats. Oh! I graduated from Middle School, something not a lot of people do simply because Middle School and High School are together, or Middle School is split between Elementary School and High School. 9-11 happened this year as well. I was a Freshman in High School by then, and all I thought when the school told all of us to go home, and everything after school was cancled was "Why?" It didn't hit me as in what happend until a few years later.

2002
FRESHMAN!!! Yea, I'm a Freshman in High School. I also joined band, picking up the flute, which I never played before! My first time I ever played a note was while my band was at a competition and we were warming up, so Mr. Heller came by, joking with me (like he always did) if I could blow a note out this time, and I did. My whole section broke out of their stance and cheered and hugged me for it! 1 crush on a certain Senior, but we kept friends. I'm not one to admit I like a guy.

2003
SOPHMORE!! This is the one year I don't do Field Hockey (even though that technically falls in the year 2002). Stupid reasons with the coach, but hey, it's whatever! I develop what turns out to be a long crush on a friend of mine who is a year older than me. I go to Disney in Florida with the band this year, which was fun, except for the drama that went down because of a friend of mine. She was always mean to me, and took it out on me big time there. We still are not speaking. It's whatever.

2004
JUNIOR!! I'm seriously crushing on this guy! So much, to a point that while we have Chemisrty together, everytime we are told to pair up, him and I always pair up! I chicken out on asking him to my Junior prom, and don't go. At the end of the last day of school, I meat up with my friend Victor, and we jump up and down crying out, "We're Seniors! We're Seniors!"

2005
SENIORS!!!!!!! So yea, big man of the High School. This is the year! Make the best of it, right? Well I met up with my friend Sarah, Kerly, and Nikki at lunch. A great lunch period! An awesome study- I mean Art Class with Jess, Mary, Tinee, Jen, and Brittany. Jess would constantly explain what my dreams were about, as Mary would just give me advice about stuff in general. I let Mary straighten my hair, and when I go to school that day, no one recognized me! I also gathered up the courage, and asked Neil to my Senior Prom. He said yes, and we went and had a freakin blast! I danced a slow dance with him, and danced with my other friends as well. Went to England with the band! That was fun on it's own! That would be the first time I heard the "Numa Numa" song! My sister Meg, her friends and I declared it our bus drivers song, since everytime we would hear it, we would be on the bus. We also had a very cute tour guide with us. And right before we left, we gave both of them a picture of all of us (by the way our bus was mostly filled with girls) and a car of sincere thanks! Oh! How could I forget? I GRADUATED!!!!! That was a weird feeling. That summer I finally got my drivers licence. I also got my first job at Shop Rite. Sadly, around Thanksgiving my good friend Mary dies.

2006
First year at Mercer County Community College. If I knew what I knew now, I would tell myself not to gourge out on fast food, and try hard to stay fit! Oh, and to join the Gamers earlier on, than later! But anyway. This is when I quit from Shop Rite, and get hired for Rite Aid. My friend Mike hints that he might like me, but I had a thing with Dennis at the time. Both didn't last too long. Neil admitted to me that he really appriciates our friendship, and hopes nothing changes. Excuse me as I run to my bedroom, crying my eyes out. I make a promise with myself that I will be more outgoing than I was back in High School. I start to really get to know Glenn. as we hang out a lot, to a point he even brings me down to Wildwood with him for a 2 day 1 night stay. No we didn't have sex! He would be the first guy I ever admit that I like, and his answer was....well..to me hurtful, but it's why I keep my mouth shit from then on admitting to guys I like that I like them. Sadly on this year, my friend Leah passes on.

2007
So, I end up having a few crushes a few different guys (I think 7 by then) only to find out that 4 of them are taken,, 2 only want to stay as friends, and 1 I have no clue what they are thinking. So when I say screw it to love, my friend Abena tells me to join her in drinking. This is my frist time! I get tipsy, and end up making out with that "1" guy. He was wasted as well. A few days later, he tells my friends that I took advantage of him. So yea, that is the end of him. Not to much later, I meet Lee. My friend at the time Jen hooks us up. We enjoy ourselves, even spend a week down at Wildwood. We don't last a full 6 months, when he breaks my heart, stating that it is just not their anymore. I'm not mad at him. I mean why fake something and hurt both of us if it's not there, you know? Also! First time I met Mike, in a weird, and kind of "kiddish, Oh My God, I can't believe you are acting this way" way.

2008
I'm trying to get by, and at one point I can say hey to Lee and even chit chat a little bit with him. Then Liz comes into his life, and I fall apart again. I end up having a girls night out with my friends Karen and Mallory. We end up with our friend Lemar, and 20 other people all at Applebees. Mike is also there, and we talk about my drama of a love life. Later on, in the spring, he starts showing up at school again,  but upset. We both hang out with Darren, and to be honest, we both start to heal each others heart. A bunch of friends of mine and I go down to Sea Side for my 21st birthday. This is when Mike and I have a serious conversation about our situation. I thought I admitted to him that I like him, but he says I didn't. Then the love triangle with Spade popped up and I ended up going after Mike. We became official on June 4, 2008! This is also my first time to Otakon!! Mike also takes me to Uniontown, PA for a Byzintine pilgrimage which is a lot of fun.

2009
Well We are strong, but certain people try to break us up. Making me doubt if being with him is worth it or not, but I stick by! I'm also suppose to graduate from MCCC, but fail a sound design class that I have to retake next year. Plus I didn't take an Internship. I go to Wildwood with Mike and his family, which was fun. We also celebrate our first year together, which meant a lot. Sadly during this year, my friend Emily passed on. This is also when Mike, Mallory, Kevin, Jay and I start working at Anime Next.

2010
Januarary:
My last semster has started up. I'm a little nervous on what is suppose to happen with my Sound Design Class as in, will it be as hard as it was last year. But unlike last year, it is set up as 2 nights a week instead of one.
Feburary: Valentines day, and it would be the first one that I ever recieved something so big! Mike got me a huge chocolate heart and a dozen rozes. I was ok with one flower, I nearly fainted when I saw this!
March: My Internship starts up, which I see will help speed up this last semster since It ends in the middle of April. Sad news is Jessy passes away on March 31, 2010. :( My baby is gone.
April: Internship went perfectly, to a point that the company will keep in contact with me. I am also informed that Mike's parents are planning on going to Bermuda and want Mike and I to join! Holy Crap!!!
May: Guess who is technically a college graduate? Me! I graduated, but I don't know how to feel, since at that moment, I don't know where to go at the moment. I also failed my Math and Psych course. I go to Wildowood with my family, and Mike joins us. During that weekend, Mik, Meg, Josh and I go out to drink, and a I get drunk! I'm a funny drunk. It was fun!
June: I am in Bermuda with Mike and his family on a cruise! I had a blast! The food was amazing, the beaches were beautiful. I enjoyed our snorkling part. We saw a ton of different types of fish, including a night fish hiding under a rock. Mike, Mallory, Jay, John and I go to work on AnimeNext. I work at registration which was fun and different from Panels and Workshops. I am so doing that again! Mike and I also celebrate out 2 years together by going down to Wildwood.
July: Well, I go to a lot of trips this month! One week I'm down in Wildwood with Mike and his family. Another week I'm with my Dad up in Frackville visiting my Grandparents. Then I go for Otakon with my friends for a weekend. At one point my friend Alice and I chant ourt, "Who wants to get killed by our Ninja?!?" who happens to be Mike. We get a ton of pics of that, lol. Icluding the one big pile of dead people, even proffessional photogragphors take pictures of that.
August: Work, work, and more work, because I know they are not to happy with how much time I took off last month. By now I have decieded to take a year off from school, to save money and then go back to retake classes at Mercer then to hopefully transfer. Mike, Jay and I go to NYC. We visit Chinatown, Rockafeller Center and Times Square.
September:  I go with Mike to Uniontown, and meet up with all my friends I made the last few years. As everyone is in school, it feels weird to me. I ask my professor Jody if he needs help with the play "The Storm" that he is working on, and him and Bob say that yes they need help and they can pay me! So I work on that!
October: I am hard working on the play. At the same time, Mike and I are getting to see each other more often. Then Mike looses his license for a year, and I get his car. (He does not loose it for criminal reasons!) This would also be the first time I go through a haunted maze and not freak the hell out! On Mike's birthday, we all go to Lazar park. Then I sleep over because the very next day, on Halloween, Mike, Mallory, Mat, Lyv, Jen and I go to Six Flags for Freight Fest! I didn't freak like I thought I was going to.Instead we have a great time!
November: Working hard on the play and my job at Rite Aid. Thanksgiving comes by and I spend it with my family. For dessert, Mike joins us.I then sleep over that night since we have early plans all day that day. That next night, Mike joins my family and I to help bring Santa Claus into our town. It's a cute small parade.
December: "The Storm goes on with a success. Mike see's it and very much enjoys it! At the last minute, Bob needs me to call "The Student Dance Concert" and throws in extra money for it. As time goes on, Mike, Jay, my high school friend Sarah (from my Senior year), Darren and I go to NYC. WE visit Chinatown, then Time Square and Rockafeller Center! We had a blast, and because of this, Sarah is offically part of our group, which I am really happy about! She is going to join us on D&D sessions, Otakon and AnimeNext hopefully. Mike also joined my family and I to visit my Grandparents up in Brooklyn Ny. My Grandparents love him, as well as my Aunt Lisa.

Overall, this year has been happily admitted as the best year as my life! I can only imagine what later years hold, but I hope nothing more than success! Until then, I hope to talk more on here soon!

~Jill~


 

November 23rd, 2010

A busy street lies ahead of me @ 01:12 am

Current Mood: rejuvenated rejuvenated

Heyy!

So the next 2 weeks I am going to be extremely busy! Why you ask? The performance that I have been working on for the past 3 months is opening the first week of Dec!! So what does this mean? I have tech/ "HELL WEEK" starting the Saturday after Thanksgiving. (Thank you Jody!!!) I have 12-12 both Saturday and Sunday! Then from 7-whenever we finish the rest of the week! Holy crap. But to be honest, this is my 5th show, and I have grown accustomed to what needs to be done, so I am excited.

I also just came back from my weekend get a way. I went to my friends apartment down in Glassboro in NJ. She goes to Rowan. So I got a chance to also meet her room mate! They put Mike and I up for the weekend, which was sweet of them. We both had fun, and I was able to relax and just let go of the stress that had been bothering me these pass couple of weeks. We went to the mall on Saturday, and on Sunday, once our friend Mallory drove down and joined us, we ate at a really nice sushi place and then tried to go bowling at the local bowling ally, but they "technically" kicked us out since they were closing in like 45 mins, saying that we would not be able to get 1 game in! So We all piled in the car and drove around randomly and ended up finding a 24hr bowling ally. At about 20 minutes away. That was fun!

Meg has come home from Drexel for Thanksgiving, and Peter will be home late tomorrow. Good to spend time with the family, especially with the holiday coming up. Tomorrow Mike and I want to hang out. So I don't know exactly what we are going to do yet.

So I am going to stop here, simply because I want to go and play Shadow Hearts! I am so close to finishing the game! It would be my first video game I have ever finished! (I have a bad habit of getting into a game, and then when I get close to finishing it, I for some odd reason can't!)

~Jill~


 

withindarqness